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So the girl I ask for a drink a few weeks ago told me to-day that she is slightly put off dating and isn’t very good at it anyway. Well same for me to be honest. Many people can’t understand why I’m single and most of the time I really don’t get it either. I just seem to have bad luck when it comes to girls. I always seem to get talking to the head fucks or the one who’s not sure what she wants or the one who wants me to wear my bloody shoes out doing all the running! Oh and I can’t forget the girl who talks to you for five minutes or the one that gets your number then never texts you! the list could go on but I think you’re getting the idea.

I am giving serious consideration to deleting my dating profiles and just fucking it off all together. I might become a nun or something, but you know what would happen then don’t you? every one would want me haha! Although at the minute it seems everyone does want me, at least they want to talk to me. There is Mum of one who wants to take me for a drink, girl from York who wants to hop on a train on Sunday and meet me in my home town, girl who is visiting friend in Sheffield, the list goes on, and on, and on haha! Unfortunately none of these girls are the one I want to get in touch and meet me, typical.

You see recently I have started to become quite frustrated with an ongoing situation I have been in with a girl. Due to tragic circumstances in her family nothing has happened between us, however we have been in contact on and off for the last few months, and it has gotten to the stage now where I need to know where I stand with her as I do rather like and her, only it takes her a while to reply and to be honest I always believe it’s the last I will hear from her and I have already kind of put it to bed as they say, but it would be nice to know either way. It just sucks big hairy balls cause I do believe something could have happened if tragedy had not struck, but instead I’m sat here writing about it instead of being too busy living it with her to type this post!

I do wish things would just run smoothly for me, just once I would like to find a girl who wants to put some effort in and who will come on more than one date with me. I mean what do they want from a date, people aren’t themselves on the first couple of dates are they? so it’s just silly. We do not live in a film where you meet and there are fucking fireworks! Seriously I wonder how any of them got in a relationship in the first damn place haha!

So its been a really frustrating week for me. Plus I was reading my magazine today on the train and an article really stuck a cord with me about grief or more delayed grief, and there was a line that really made me think yes that’s what I have the line is

‘I can see the ghost of grief in the angry that would sometimes flare up in me over nothing, and in the bouts of sadness (not quite depression) that I suffered.’

I found myself having a few tears on the train, cause it was like she was talking to me. I have that, I have that sadness, I can relate to that. I have it a little right now if I’m being honest. It will pass till next time, but that’s a post for another day.